Elora Update - May 18, 2013

For anyone out there still wanting to follow the blog, sorry it has been so long since an update.  Elora has been doing well and there have been  many events since the last post.  First of all, a medical update.  Elora had her echo and thankfully that came back normal so there is no more follow-up on that topic.  She also had her first dental appointment.  She has some teeth coming in pretty crazy, and before it is said and done there may be some mouthwork to be done.  But for now, the dentist is just going to keep an eye on things before pulling anything.  She had additional blood drawn to check again on possible hyperthyroidism and possible anemia.  The bloodwork again indicated those conditions are likely for her.  We have appointments scheduled with both hematology and endocrinology in the near future.  We believe most of that can be controlled with medicine and/or diet so we aren't overly concerned about those issues, but it will be nice to get more educated at the upcoming appointments.

Elora is really adapting well to family life and American life.  We were at a restaurant recently and she finished her drink and raised her glass and started yelling for a server to get her more to drink.  How interesting it is to go from an orphan's life where one can only imagine she didn't have much, to now having a life of plenty where she can already act as entitled as the rest of these spoiled children.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it is a good thing, but it is interesting to watch.

Ms. Elora was finally able to meet Uncle Steve and Aunt Shannon and some cousins.  We met them at a restaurant on Mother's Day.  She has also gotten to see our great friend Jenny a few times.  It is always wonderful to see her meeting more of her new people :).

We also took her to Six Flags with us and Jenny for a little while.  We were reluctant to go, because there are many people there and we knew it would be a lot for her.  She didn't cry and hate it, but she didn't really seem to love it either.  It was kind of how she was when we went to the Safari Park in China.  She is like that with a lot of things, though, like new foods and drinks.  I certainly couldn't blame her.  I think she does better with all of it than most would.

We do notice, though, that in crowds and busy restaurants her streak of mean comes out.  It must be her defense mechanism for her anxiety about things.  She starts being very difficult and pushes and smacks.  It is really an unattractive thing, but we sense it and try and be as patient as we can with her when she gets like that.  We just have to be cognizant of how it affects her and limit those kind of environments as she slowly becomes acclimated.  Overall this is a small struggle in the bigger picture of how well she is doing.

Heidi and I both are often amazed at how she seems genuinely happy to spend time with us and her siblings. We know that there could be changes as time goes on, but right now she really seems to like her family.  It is so awesome to see her with everyone.  She is still so busy, and really likes to be the boss.  She gets to laughing about a lot of things, and really cracks herself up.  She still is kind of mean and a stinker with Lane, but there are glimpses of hope even in that relationship.  We are hopeful she'll continue to really settle in with all of us.

There is a lot going on around here...piano recital for Lane and Madeline, dance recital for Asher and Madeline, baseball games and practice for Lane, Tori moved out, I'm back to work, etc.  That keeps us all busy, but Elora seems to be rolling with things pretty good.  Heidi took Elora to school and did some paperwork to help get her set up to go to summer school with Asher.  We still aren't certain what grade we'll put her in for the fall.  

An Update About Elora at Home - Saturday, May 4, 2013

OK, so maybe we'll make some more posts after all.  Madeline has asked a few times for them, and right now we are trying to do the cocooning thing at home, which makes it harder for everyone to visit and see how Elora and the family are doing.  So for now, maybe a weekly update in case anyone is interested.  

This last week was a busy one.  We have really tried to stay home, slow down on the visitors, make sure we all eat and play together, and give Elora time to really know we are her family.  Too many people around could really make it confusing for her.  That being said, we haven't been fully on lock-down either.  We have been very blessed that many church friends have been gracious enough to bring us meals.  That has been so nice to have one less thing to worry about in the evenings.  We took Elora to several appointments, including the eye doctor, the Down syndrome clinic, and the pediatrician.  We also took her out to eat at lunch a couple of times, grocery shopping and to Asher's IEP (individualized education plan) at school.  The social worker also came for our first post-placement visit.  We are required to do those for China at 1 month, 6 months, 12 months, 2 years, 3 years and 5 years.  

Medically speaking, all of the doctors thus far have been very impressed with her.  She seems to them to be adjusting well, very social and happy, and overall generally healthy.  She has amazed us with how cooperative she is with the medical personnel.  She had her ears and eyes examined with no crying or complaining.  She even got 4 shots and her blood drawn with no crying or complaining either.  That was shocking.  China gave us her vaccination records, so there were many shots she did not need.  

All of that being said, she isn't fully out of the woods medically.  One of the doctors heard a heart murmur, which may or may not be an issue.  However, many people with Down syndrome have heart issues, so an echocardiogram has been ordered for this coming week.  Her bloodwork also seems to indicate she has the opposite of what Asher has as it relates to her thyroid.  Asher has hypothyroidism, and she may have hyperthyroidism.  If that is the case, it can cause her to be hyperactive and easily agitated.  She is very busy and short of attention span about things, so who knows, that may be part of it.  But overall her behavior is quite good given all of her adjustment and the over-stimulation she must be experiencing with all of these changes, so it is hard to know any of it for sure.  They are going to take more blood and run additional checks for endocrinology.  Finally, her blood counts also indicate she may be anemic.  There are many types of that as well, and apparently that can be common in people with Down syndrome also.  So, while it is quite possible it is a dietary issue that will resolve living with us, it could be something else so we are supposed to go to a hematologist.  We also have an ENT appointment coming up for her.  Her ears did not appear clear, and after Asher has had 5 sets of tubes, we won't be surprised at all if her ears end up requiring additional attention.  In any case, it will be a lot to sort out here, but absent any surprises with the echo, we expect most of these things will be easily resolved through testing and medication.  

The elementary school Asher attends is the same one Lane and Madeline went to.  They have always been so great to us, and we have especially appreciated their care and education for Asher.  When we went in for Asher's IEP, the principal, the teachers and therapists were so welcoming and thrilled to see Elora!  They are so happy for Asher to have a new sister, and they are so happy knowing that Elora will be coming to their school.  I can't really express how much it means to have such great support from the school for these kiddos.  They all adored Elora, and really seemed to be taken by her like we all have been.  :)

We gave them her vaccination records and some adoption paperwork copies, and she is set to go whenever we want to send her.  They would take her at school tomorrow if we'd let them.  Elora went to school in China, and we could tell she was excited to see all of the kids at school yesterday.  She even cried one day at home when Asher got on the bus and she couldn't.  We are being cautious on this, though, because we need to focus now on her knowing we are her family and caretakers.  If we push her into school too quickly, it could create a confusing situation for her receiving care and attention from so many people early on.  We may send her for a couple of days at the very end of the year to see how it goes, or we may just do summer school for her and Asher in mid-June.  

We also need to decide if she should be in the same grade as Asher.  We love the elementary school, so holding her back gives her another year there and more time to learn English before she gets further and further advanced in grade level.  It also allows her to have her own life at school separated from Asher.  Of course, she is close in age with Asher so sending her with him would allow them to support each other and grow together, and we know she is quite capable and don't want to slow her down either.  Some prayerful and thoughtful consideration will be used in this decision.  In any case, we just feel blessed to have options and amazing people at school who are flexible to do whatever we feel is best.  

Our first post-placement visit went pretty good we thought.  The social worker seemed to think the things we reported indicated she was attaching with us, and I think we are vigilant about carefully considering how we handle everything right now with her and the other kids.  We understand, though, that there can be setbacks and this whole process will continue to be one day at a time for everyone.  Right now she is pretty good with me, Heidi and Madeline.  She has some nice times with Asher and they are pretty funny, but she gets pretty agitated with him at times and they argue like an old married couple.  Between Asher's emerging English and Elora's Mandarin, it sounds like a bunch of jibberish to us most of the time.  And poor Lane, really wants to be with Elora, but she really gives him the worst treatment right now.  We keep telling him it isn't that she hates him, but it takes time and to give her space.  We'll see how this all evolves.  As I've mentioned before, there are no shortcuts.  

As Elora gets settled, we are slowly introducing some of our typical rules and boundaries for her.  She resists them and can get frustrated, but we try and be patient through it and after a time or two she has done remarkably well at going with the flow of how we do things.  It is really something to see how much she understands without really knowing English.  

Madeline and I slept with her a couple of days, then Heidi slept on the floor near her for a few days until Elora would go to sleep.  Now Heidi is starting to get her to sleep in the room in her own bed without her.  Of course she still has Madeline.  Elora was reluctant to accept Heidi not joining them in the room, but Heidi kind of monitored her from the hallway and heard Elora singing herself to sleep.  Last night she slept through the night in her own bed without Mom and Dad needing to be in there.

Elora loves to sing.  It is so cute.  It makes me wonder how long she'll remember those Chinese songs.  Kind of sad actually, but she has a lot to learn now that she is an American and I know some of those things will simply have to go for her success here in the U.S.  It is also funny.  Any song that comes on the radio she sings along with it.  Her version of every American song sounds Chinese, which I also think is super cute.

This morning Elora lost her first tooth (at least since we've known her).  It had been pretty loose anyway.  She was bouncing around like she does, and rammed into me.  She got up and I saw her looking down at something.  Sure enough, her tooth had fallen out.  She just laughed and carried on as usual though.   

Anyway, all of the adjustments with her, getting the other kids to their usual activities, getting her to appointments, etc. has made for some really long days.  Heidi especially has been pretty exhausted at the end of each day.  I'm tired, too, but I still refuse to go to bed before 11 or 12.  I go back to work next week.  I've been off for over 3 weeks and I can only imagine how behind I am.  I will be trying to go in every day.  I will still be able to work from home some, and I will take leave as necessary to join Heidi at appointments for Elora.  We'll see how that slow transition back to work sets with Elora.  

We hope everyone is doing well, and still look forward to everyone meeting her as the opportunities arise in the coming weeks and months.   

She wouldn't wear the gown, but I took this pic for the one second she did.

She seemed to like corn dogs.  It is always a mystery to see
what she will or won't eat. 

Some Reflections on the Adoption Journey

We primarily started this blog for two reasons:  1) To keep our loved ones posted and share our journey to China to bring home the precious gift of our daughter Elora, and 2) To journal the activities for ourselves so that we would never forget our awesome adventure!

Now that Elora is home, I suspect blog posts will be winding down.  In fact, this may be the last one.  And if it is, that is OK, because as we get settled I know that our future consists of in-person interactions we have with all of you as Elora grows older.  Trust me when I say being with her is loads better than my incessant rambling :).  We can't wait for everyone to meet her in person!

I know everyone can tell we have been very blessed by God and all of you through this experience.  I tend to focus on positive things and the love that our great God has given us.  I believe we are called to that, and we should very much have grateful hearts in all circumstances, even the tough ones.  To be fair, though, I want to assure everyone that this rewarding journey isn't one without its challenges.  The adoption road is a trying one for everyone involved...

Parents are tested in their patience.  Waiting on and trusting in God.  Waiting for the next paperwork.  Waiting for more information to make a decision.  Waiting to meet your child.  Waiting to finalize everything. Waiting to take the child home.  Even now, we are waiting.  Waiting faithfully that Elora will continue to grow in her love and trust in her new family.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and I so badly want her to love me how my other children do, but the reality is, she doesn't...not yet.  We must really be patient in this, and I have to say honestly that this is hard on me.  Every day there is a moment where I go, "Oh my gosh, she is so sweet and she must really love us."  and other moments where I'm like, "Oh my gosh, will she ever really love us?"  This is one of those deals where it will take time, and there are no shortcuts.  Like many processes in life, God keeps reminding us of our instructions in Philippians 4:6 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God", and in Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  We must really walk our walk one day at a time with Him.

The adopted child is tested in so many things, their ability to trust, their ability to adapt to changing environments, and their ability to love and let themselves be loved, and feel like they belong.  Having taken some training and knowing several adoption stories, there are layers and layers of things most people don't think about when they think of a sweet girl like Elora being given a forever family and home.  But the reality is, all children being adopted have already suffered a tremendous loss...the loss of the birth parents.  What a blow.

In addition to having special needs, Elora's story is one of being abandoned by her birth parents, being in an orphanage for years, then being in a foster family for years, going back to the orphanage for a while, spending 10 days in a China hotel with us, spending a couple of days on a plane with us, a day in LA with us, and now spending a few days at home with us.  Even now, we wonder how long she'll have to stay with us before she really understands that we really will NEVER leave her.  How can we expect her to believe this is where it ends, and that she won't be here just for 10 days, or 9 months, or 2 years or 4 years?  We can't expect that.  The reality is she probably is wondering how long she stays at this place before moving on to the next one.  Add to that the fact we have taken her out of the country where everyone looked like her and spoke like her.  We are now asking that she embrace us with her whole heart and learn English and find a way to feel comfortable with her new life.  Talk about a tall order.  

The siblings are tested in their ability to love the child as they do their biological siblings, their ability to share in a family they were born into, and their ability to sacrifice attention, time, and things they may have otherwise gotten but for the new addition to the family.  We are so proud of our children for wanting to share everything.  They all seem genuinely happy to have Elora home, each in their own way.  Lane thinks she is the cutest thing ever and would spend the entire day walking around with her and taking care of her if he could.  Madeline loves having this beautiful little sister and sharing her room with her.  And Asher is no doubt digging his new "twin" and wants to know what she is up to and wants to hang out with her.  I think it is funny to call them twins because they are so close in age, and Heidi has always gotten a laugh out of telling people Tori is her twin.  Anyway, these kiddos have really stepped up, but we really need to be mindful that they had to miss us for almost two weeks, that they still have needs and can't be lost in the mix, and that this is a fun time for them, but also a stressful one.  

And the entire journey affects many other people, like friends, family, coworkers and our church who stepped up in prayer and gave other types of support, the foster family giving Elora up to us after having her for years, these awesome grandparents who gave us the peace and full confidence that our other children would be safe while we traveled to the other side of the world, and the list goes on and on.  

Adoption is an amazing, blessed journey, but it can be and will continue to be a hard road at times.  I remember chatting with Duncan Phillips of the Newsboys once on Facebook when he first joined it.  I told him how great I thought it was that he was so personable with the fans and it must be difficult keeping up with so many people and putting himself out there.  He responded, "The right thing is rarely the easy thing."  I've seen that be true over and over since our conversation.  

All great things take work, and love truly is a verb.  It isn't just some mushy, good feeling.  It is a heart of service for others to show true love as Christ did.  It is one thing to say I'd die for Elora, but I have to be willing to live for her.  That means the day-in, day-out service, sacrifice, patience, understanding, dying to myself to love her as Christ loves us.  When I really submit myself to His ways in my relationships with anyone, I see Him there.  It is difficult to feel closer to God than when you first meet any of your children, and meeting Elora was no exception.  When her eyes lit up with giggles and smiles I saw God there.  

Forgive me for being a manchick, but it makes me think of Les Miserables and how Valjean took care of Cosette and the blessing she was in his life.  Near the very end of the musical...

Come with me.  Where chains will never bind you.

All your grief.  At last, at last behind you.

Lord in Heaven.  Look down on him in mercy.

Forgive me all my trespasses and take me to your glory.

Take my hand.  I'll lead you to salvation.

Take my love.  For love is everlasting.

And remember the truth that once was spoken...

To love another person is to see the face of God.

My prayer is that we would all seek His love and that it would overflow to everyone we meet.  That we would truly see everyone as Jesus sees them.  That we would be so focused on loving others that people would know most what we are for rather than what we are against.  May God bless you all and thanks again for sharing in our joy on the journey.  Much love to you all.     

Video of Elora Homecoming!!! Thursday, April 25, 2013

Here is a few minute video of Elora coming home to meet the rest of her family!  Some sweet moments captured on video.  Hope everyone enjoys it... :)

Elora Is Home!!! - Thursday, April 25 and Friday, April 26, 2013

Our bags were ready for us at baggage claim in pretty short order.  Knowing the long journey they went on to get there, it is quite a feeling when you see them start coming out onto the carousel.  Such a relief!  We then waited for Tori to get off work and take us home.  That all worked out great.

We got home around 7:30 p.m. and the kids and a bunch of their neighbor friends were in the yard waiting for our arrival.  The kids stormed the car and it was really something to see.  I was able to video the first few minutes of them taking Elora into the house and touring her around and loving on her.  It was a great moment to have captured on video.  I haven't converted it for upload it just yet, but hope to at some point.  

It is hard to really know what is going on in Elora's mind with all of the changes in her life right now, but she genuinely seemed to enjoy meeting everyone and being in her new home.  I think the Skype sessions with the family back home while we were in China really prepared her for meeting everyone.  The kids really were on her the whole night, though.  No one can get over her cuteness.  We had a lot of fun giving the family souvenirs we brought back for them from China.  There were so many neat things a person could buy there.  

Even though at times the 11 months seemed like a long time, it actually went pretty fast and we are thankful we didn't have a wait of years and years like some people do.  It is still crazy to see her actually home with us.  It is also crazy to see our 4 kids playing and carrying on in the house.  Maybe it is the jet lag or the sheer overwhelming nature of everything, but every now and then Heidi and I are shocked at just how seeing 4 kids in the house seems like so many more than just 3.  It is a good thing, but it is just funny...we just keep saying, look at all our kids...we have all of these kids...LOL.  

It makes me think of a conversation I had with a store employee in China.  She was one that actually spoke some English, which I was quite thankful for.  I told her Elora is our 4th child.  She was shocked to learn we had 3 already.  In China, there is a one-child limit.  You can actually have more, but you pay a hefty fine/tax for each one beyond that.  She couldn't get over the idea of us being able to have 4 children, and said our house must be very happy and that all of those children must bring a lot of joy.  I love my children very much, but my wordy nature would cause me to describe it in other ways.  But her limited English vocabulary helped her to say something really simple yet profound...joy!  She was absolutely right.  Since being home and seeing these kids learn about one another and laugh, that is what I see...a lot of joy!

Madeline made a great Welcome Home sign!

What a crew!!!

This could all get very interesting...LOL!

Elora helped Asher with his job of putting away the silverware.

Group hug!

Kiddos reading the family board book we made for Elora!

Madeline in her traditional Chinese outfit.

Mr. Lane and some new chopsticks!

Hand carved stamps with the kids' names in English and Chinese.

I sense a new FB cover photo coming soon...

Sisters!

Mr. Lane loves, loves, loves her!

Grandpa!

Throwing the stuffed white tiger from the Safari Park around...

The bunk beds now have a bottom bunk resident :)

Looking at the woods in the back yard.

The van is seeming more full now :)

Eating some of Tori's birthday cake!

Heidi's daughter...checking out the calendar already, and she can't even read it.

Sno Biz opened today...what timing!

She likes the Sno Biz!!!

STL

The Midwest never looked so good...we have just landed in St. Louis.  Time to deplane, hopefully find our bags, and catch a ride home with Aunt Tori!  Thanks be to God for all of the safe travels. :)

Waiting At LAX

Through security and waiting at our gate in LA.  Hope to be in STL around 6 pm!  Hooray!!!