Some Reflections on the Adoption Journey

We primarily started this blog for two reasons:  1) To keep our loved ones posted and share our journey to China to bring home the precious gift of our daughter Elora, and 2) To journal the activities for ourselves so that we would never forget our awesome adventure!

Now that Elora is home, I suspect blog posts will be winding down.  In fact, this may be the last one.  And if it is, that is OK, because as we get settled I know that our future consists of in-person interactions we have with all of you as Elora grows older.  Trust me when I say being with her is loads better than my incessant rambling :).  We can't wait for everyone to meet her in person!

I know everyone can tell we have been very blessed by God and all of you through this experience.  I tend to focus on positive things and the love that our great God has given us.  I believe we are called to that, and we should very much have grateful hearts in all circumstances, even the tough ones.  To be fair, though, I want to assure everyone that this rewarding journey isn't one without its challenges.  The adoption road is a trying one for everyone involved...

Parents are tested in their patience.  Waiting on and trusting in God.  Waiting for the next paperwork.  Waiting for more information to make a decision.  Waiting to meet your child.  Waiting to finalize everything. Waiting to take the child home.  Even now, we are waiting.  Waiting faithfully that Elora will continue to grow in her love and trust in her new family.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and I so badly want her to love me how my other children do, but the reality is, she doesn't...not yet.  We must really be patient in this, and I have to say honestly that this is hard on me.  Every day there is a moment where I go, "Oh my gosh, she is so sweet and she must really love us."  and other moments where I'm like, "Oh my gosh, will she ever really love us?"  This is one of those deals where it will take time, and there are no shortcuts.  Like many processes in life, God keeps reminding us of our instructions in Philippians 4:6 - "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God", and in Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  We must really walk our walk one day at a time with Him.

The adopted child is tested in so many things, their ability to trust, their ability to adapt to changing environments, and their ability to love and let themselves be loved, and feel like they belong.  Having taken some training and knowing several adoption stories, there are layers and layers of things most people don't think about when they think of a sweet girl like Elora being given a forever family and home.  But the reality is, all children being adopted have already suffered a tremendous loss...the loss of the birth parents.  What a blow.

In addition to having special needs, Elora's story is one of being abandoned by her birth parents, being in an orphanage for years, then being in a foster family for years, going back to the orphanage for a while, spending 10 days in a China hotel with us, spending a couple of days on a plane with us, a day in LA with us, and now spending a few days at home with us.  Even now, we wonder how long she'll have to stay with us before she really understands that we really will NEVER leave her.  How can we expect her to believe this is where it ends, and that she won't be here just for 10 days, or 9 months, or 2 years or 4 years?  We can't expect that.  The reality is she probably is wondering how long she stays at this place before moving on to the next one.  Add to that the fact we have taken her out of the country where everyone looked like her and spoke like her.  We are now asking that she embrace us with her whole heart and learn English and find a way to feel comfortable with her new life.  Talk about a tall order.  

The siblings are tested in their ability to love the child as they do their biological siblings, their ability to share in a family they were born into, and their ability to sacrifice attention, time, and things they may have otherwise gotten but for the new addition to the family.  We are so proud of our children for wanting to share everything.  They all seem genuinely happy to have Elora home, each in their own way.  Lane thinks she is the cutest thing ever and would spend the entire day walking around with her and taking care of her if he could.  Madeline loves having this beautiful little sister and sharing her room with her.  And Asher is no doubt digging his new "twin" and wants to know what she is up to and wants to hang out with her.  I think it is funny to call them twins because they are so close in age, and Heidi has always gotten a laugh out of telling people Tori is her twin.  Anyway, these kiddos have really stepped up, but we really need to be mindful that they had to miss us for almost two weeks, that they still have needs and can't be lost in the mix, and that this is a fun time for them, but also a stressful one.  

And the entire journey affects many other people, like friends, family, coworkers and our church who stepped up in prayer and gave other types of support, the foster family giving Elora up to us after having her for years, these awesome grandparents who gave us the peace and full confidence that our other children would be safe while we traveled to the other side of the world, and the list goes on and on.  

Adoption is an amazing, blessed journey, but it can be and will continue to be a hard road at times.  I remember chatting with Duncan Phillips of the Newsboys once on Facebook when he first joined it.  I told him how great I thought it was that he was so personable with the fans and it must be difficult keeping up with so many people and putting himself out there.  He responded, "The right thing is rarely the easy thing."  I've seen that be true over and over since our conversation.  

All great things take work, and love truly is a verb.  It isn't just some mushy, good feeling.  It is a heart of service for others to show true love as Christ did.  It is one thing to say I'd die for Elora, but I have to be willing to live for her.  That means the day-in, day-out service, sacrifice, patience, understanding, dying to myself to love her as Christ loves us.  When I really submit myself to His ways in my relationships with anyone, I see Him there.  It is difficult to feel closer to God than when you first meet any of your children, and meeting Elora was no exception.  When her eyes lit up with giggles and smiles I saw God there.  

Forgive me for being a manchick, but it makes me think of Les Miserables and how Valjean took care of Cosette and the blessing she was in his life.  Near the very end of the musical...

Come with me.  Where chains will never bind you.

All your grief.  At last, at last behind you.

Lord in Heaven.  Look down on him in mercy.

Forgive me all my trespasses and take me to your glory.

Take my hand.  I'll lead you to salvation.

Take my love.  For love is everlasting.

And remember the truth that once was spoken...

To love another person is to see the face of God.

My prayer is that we would all seek His love and that it would overflow to everyone we meet.  That we would truly see everyone as Jesus sees them.  That we would be so focused on loving others that people would know most what we are for rather than what we are against.  May God bless you all and thanks again for sharing in our joy on the journey.  Much love to you all.     

Video of Elora Homecoming!!! Thursday, April 25, 2013

Here is a few minute video of Elora coming home to meet the rest of her family!  Some sweet moments captured on video.  Hope everyone enjoys it... :)

Elora Is Home!!! - Thursday, April 25 and Friday, April 26, 2013

Our bags were ready for us at baggage claim in pretty short order.  Knowing the long journey they went on to get there, it is quite a feeling when you see them start coming out onto the carousel.  Such a relief!  We then waited for Tori to get off work and take us home.  That all worked out great.

We got home around 7:30 p.m. and the kids and a bunch of their neighbor friends were in the yard waiting for our arrival.  The kids stormed the car and it was really something to see.  I was able to video the first few minutes of them taking Elora into the house and touring her around and loving on her.  It was a great moment to have captured on video.  I haven't converted it for upload it just yet, but hope to at some point.  

It is hard to really know what is going on in Elora's mind with all of the changes in her life right now, but she genuinely seemed to enjoy meeting everyone and being in her new home.  I think the Skype sessions with the family back home while we were in China really prepared her for meeting everyone.  The kids really were on her the whole night, though.  No one can get over her cuteness.  We had a lot of fun giving the family souvenirs we brought back for them from China.  There were so many neat things a person could buy there.  

Even though at times the 11 months seemed like a long time, it actually went pretty fast and we are thankful we didn't have a wait of years and years like some people do.  It is still crazy to see her actually home with us.  It is also crazy to see our 4 kids playing and carrying on in the house.  Maybe it is the jet lag or the sheer overwhelming nature of everything, but every now and then Heidi and I are shocked at just how seeing 4 kids in the house seems like so many more than just 3.  It is a good thing, but it is just funny...we just keep saying, look at all our kids...we have all of these kids...LOL.  

It makes me think of a conversation I had with a store employee in China.  She was one that actually spoke some English, which I was quite thankful for.  I told her Elora is our 4th child.  She was shocked to learn we had 3 already.  In China, there is a one-child limit.  You can actually have more, but you pay a hefty fine/tax for each one beyond that.  She couldn't get over the idea of us being able to have 4 children, and said our house must be very happy and that all of those children must bring a lot of joy.  I love my children very much, but my wordy nature would cause me to describe it in other ways.  But her limited English vocabulary helped her to say something really simple yet profound...joy!  She was absolutely right.  Since being home and seeing these kids learn about one another and laugh, that is what I see...a lot of joy!

Madeline made a great Welcome Home sign!

What a crew!!!

This could all get very interesting...LOL!

Elora helped Asher with his job of putting away the silverware.

Group hug!

Kiddos reading the family board book we made for Elora!

Madeline in her traditional Chinese outfit.

Mr. Lane and some new chopsticks!

Hand carved stamps with the kids' names in English and Chinese.

I sense a new FB cover photo coming soon...

Sisters!

Mr. Lane loves, loves, loves her!

Grandpa!

Throwing the stuffed white tiger from the Safari Park around...

The bunk beds now have a bottom bunk resident :)

Looking at the woods in the back yard.

The van is seeming more full now :)

Eating some of Tori's birthday cake!

Heidi's daughter...checking out the calendar already, and she can't even read it.

Sno Biz opened today...what timing!

She likes the Sno Biz!!!

STL

The Midwest never looked so good...we have just landed in St. Louis.  Time to deplane, hopefully find our bags, and catch a ride home with Aunt Tori!  Thanks be to God for all of the safe travels. :)

Waiting At LAX

Through security and waiting at our gate in LA.  Hope to be in STL around 6 pm!  Hooray!!!

Back In The States!

Well the plane ride was long and a challenge, but overall Elora did well.  We landed in LAX on time, and got through Customs/Immigration.  As of approximately 645 pm Pacific Time, Elora is a US citizen!!!  We got to see our friends Alyce and Jason here in LA tonight. We fly home to STL tomorrow.  Thanks everyone for the support and prayers!  Can't wait to be home!!!

Day Ten - Wednesday, April 24, 2013

So it is day ten with Miss Elora, but it is actually our 11th day in China.  This morning Elora took away my blanket and covered me in newspaper.  What is that about?  She is so resourceful.  :)

Anyway, we are very excited about bringing Elora home, and to see the rest of the family, but it is kind of sad to be leaving China.  I know there is so much more around this country that we may never see, but even what we have seen here has been enlightening and we've enjoyed the trip.  I really thought with the way I eat, and missing family, home and our language, I would be dying to get home by now.  The truth is I have been quite comfortable here, more so every day and that has been a pleasant surprise.  Of course, I'm not delusional, I understand that if it hadn't been for Skype to stay in touch back home and some McD's and pizza I'd be in much worse shape.  In any case, I'm just thankful for this whole experience and seeing more of the world.

In some ways, all of these people and all of this travel can make you feel small and lost in the shuffle.  But for me, it is a neat reminder of how big our God is and how awesome it is that He created everything, and is personal with everyone.  The feeling of His presence all the way on the other side of the globe has been a tremendous comfort.  Any awkward feeling I have had, I just let it go and gave it to Him, because when you are this out of your comfort zone you can't control it anyway.  The truth is that every breath, every moment even at home is by His good grace.  These experiences bring me to right where I need to be, humbled.  Humbled enough to remember I need Him ALWAYS!!!  When we need Him most and are brought to a vulnerable, powerless place, we give Him room to show His power, love and grace.  I may never be able to convince others with my words or quoting a scripture passage or with a historic argument, but I can assure anyone reading this that God has again proven Himself faithful through this whole experience.

The more I live, the more my testimony to others is simply this...Psalm 34:8  "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him."  It is true.  If anyone has been trying it the world's way and still finds a hole in their life, head, heart or soul, the best I can say is to humble yourself to the presence of a God that created you and this whole earth, acknowledge His son Jesus Christ as the one way to God the Father in Heaven, ask Him for forgiveness of your sins, and invite Him and His Holy Spirit into your life.  Pray on those things and seek after Him with your whole heart, even when it is hard.  His plans are so much better than our plans, even when we don't understand them.  Walk with Him and see just how amazing He is, and feel His unending love.

We love you all so much and look forward to our return home to you!  Please pray for our safe return!  God willing, our next post will be from Los Angeles, CA!

Day Nine - Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Today we just had to wait for Mr. Li to pick our completed items up at the US Consulate.  We knew he wouldn't be around for that until around 4:30 p.m., so we had most of the day to do whatever.  We did a morning Skype session with the family, and we had bonus family back home, as Don and Karen had come to visit everyone while we were away.  We then had breakfast and wandered around the area some more.  Heidi and Elora wound up having lunch at a karaoke bar.  I ate at McDonald's and then came to join them.

As everyone can imagine, I was very tempted to do the karaoke thing.  The way they do it here is different though.  The perimeter of the restaurant had about 7 studio rooms that smaller groups rent to go have fun.  Heidi said they had them in Japan, too.  If only Steve, Angie, Lane and the rest of the summer cruise party were here, I would have totally rented out one of the rooms.  I almost tried it anyway, as the worker said they had English songs.  Unfortunately, her English wasn't good enough to explain to me how the rates worked, how long, if I could look at their songs first, etc., so we passed.  She said it was 110 yuan (about $18 USD) for 7...Then she didn't know the word to finish her sentence, 7 hours, 7 songs, 7 people, until 7 o'clock??? I had no idea, so we passed.

We then went back to the 711 and another shop to buy a couple things.  We got back to the room, and housekeeping was there.  We have the worst timing with them.  We hung out at the rooftop poolside area until housekeeping was gone.

Mr. Li came by later with our immigration packet that we can't open until we hit the states.  They open it there and when we enter at LA Elora will be a US citizen!  Amazing stuff!!!  We visited with Mr. Li for a little while.  He is very nice to talk with and we appreciate all of his experience with adoption, his familiarity with the US and English, and it is nice to talk about China and his family with him.  He is going to take us to the airport tomorrow (Wednesday) 1 p.m.  We took some pictures with him before he left for the day.

I started packing some after that, but it is a slow process for me.  I guess I am just too last minute of a person.  Between the dirty clothes, the clean clothes, the souvenirs, the snacks, what we need on the plane, what we need in LA in carry-on bags and not checked, etc., it was just too much for me to want to mess with.  Elora was kind of distracting, too, pulling her bag around we bought for her and hiding in our other luggage.  Got some cute pics of that though.

I got a couple of bags packed and quit to go get more of that great pizza from Calgary Stampede.  Elora likes pizza.  I finally got her to eat it holding pieces in her hands.  We also did our evening Skype call with the fam back home.  After that, no more packing.  I decided to hang out with Elora, who had laid newspaper out on the hotel room floor to play hopscotch...LOL.  I'm sure tomorrow I'll be throwing it all together.  :)

Hilarious!!!

Karaoke rooms where Heidi and Elora had lunch.

A picture of our hotel towering above the steet.

A parting picture of Guangzhou

For Isaiah's benefit...sorry I don't think I can bring one home for you.

Some chocolate creme Oreos...pretty good.

Us and Mr. Li

Mr. Li and Elora

Sorry I didn't get a pic of when I opened the box.  Her eyes lit up and she
looked at Mommy and shouted with glee!  She likes pizza.

Day Eight - Monday, April 22, 2013

Today we had our US Consulate appointment.  We had to meet Mr. Li at 7:45 a.m.  That was an early one for all of us to get up and around in time.  We were still able to fit a brief Skype session in with the family back home though.  Poor Elora had to cut her breakfast short and was very tired all morning.

In case I haven't mentioned it before, traffic here is always crazy and I'd hate driving here.  Mr. Li is an amazing driver.  I've been in many big US cities, but I've never seen traffic flow like it does here.  The people walking, the bikes, the cabs, the buses and the other cars all over the roads but it somehow works.  Every time we go anywhere, there are about 30 times that if I was at home I would be certain we are going to wreck.  Somehow though, Mr. Li and the other drivers just squeeze the cars in everywhere.  He has also had to park us in some seemingly impossible places.  I truly am impressed every time I ride with him.  I'll have to post some videos of it if I get a chance.

This city is huge, too.  Traffic flows decent because of the way people drive, but it still took us an hour to get across town to our appointment.  Mr. Li could not go into our appointment with us, but dropped us off at the entrance.  We went in and again we were in a loud room of crying kids and adopting parents.  Something else I forgot to mention before is the adoption system here really is a well oiled machine.  We have these appointments, and here in this city of 10 million people, we continue to run into these same families we've seen since the day we met Elora.  Today was no different.

Anyway, we were feeling pretty lost and hoping we didn't miss our name being called when a lady came to a window and began providing instructions for us adopting parents over the loudspeaker.  After her announcement, she had all of us recite an oath affirming that all of our papers and information in conjunction with the adoption were true and correct.  They then began calling names individually.  We were elated when Elora's name was the first to be called.  We went to the window, signed a couple of things, and were sent on our way.  If all goes according to plan, Mr. Li will be able to pick up Elora's passport and visa and our other needed documents tomorrow afternoon for us to fly home as planned on Wednesday!

After the appointment, Mr. Li was kind enough to take us to another special shopping area.  We made a couple of purchases, and he took us back to the hotel.  While driving around, we asked Mr. Li about those mad phrases Elora kept saying.  He didn't really have an answer based on our terrible pronunciations.  Later on, though, Elora said them both and he laughed and told us what they were.  We were right, our little sweetie isn't always being as sweet as she looks...DaBenDan means "Stupid!" and DaPiGu means "spanking."  She thinks we're stupid and is threatening to spank us!  Nice!!!  Now that we know what she is saying, she apparently thinks many things are stupid.  I looked online and it says DaBenDan means "Big stupid egg" and that it is a very bad insult.  Now every time she says it when we are walking down the street we are mortified...LOL.

We also asked Mr. Li if he knew why everyone would have been looking up on the pedestrian street by our hotel, or if he saw anything on the news about it.  He stated it may have been because of the earthquake in another part of China.  I told him no one was looking at the screens though, and it appeared everyone was looking up at one of the apartment buildings.  We told him there was an ambulance there, and we wondered if someone was threatening to jump or something.  He said that does happen from time to time, but it would not make the news.

After making it back to the room, Heidi and Elora ate at the Guangzhou Restaurant near the hotel.  Another neat place where I gladly watched them eat. (From Heidi: The menu items were: gyoza, a beef and black bean stir fry, and a noodle, tofu, veggie dish.  Elora seems to really love beef, so that's why I chose that dish.  However, she didn't care for it.  She LOVED the pea pods in the tofu dish tho.  And she is a noodle monster!  I think I will be carrying a pair of chopsticks in my purse when we get home....) Heidi took Elora to the restroom and they waited in line.  When it was their turn to go next, a lady in a red shirt came in and began yelling back and forth with the cleaning lady at the bathroom entrance.  The lady in the red shirt then got in front of them and continued her tirade.  Another lady got in line behind them and seemed embarrassed to even be around the scene.  A stall opened near Heidi and Elora, and the lady behind them told them to go ahead.  Heidi had no idea what the yelling was about.....uncomfortable situation, but there was no sign of the yelling lady when they left the bathroom.  The cleaning lady smiled at them on the way out, so all's well that ends well.

After their meal we walked around again checking out some more stores.  We finally walked into the Pepsi Sports store.  It had intrigued me since we arrived.  I am such a soda guy, and I just had to know why Pepsi had a sports store.  It really was interesting, as the store even sold Pepsi shoes.  I don't recall seeing any Pepsi for sale there though...LOL.

We hoped we could kill time so housekeeping would be done with our room.  They still had not come when we got back, though, so we decided when they showed up later we would go out and find me something to eat.  It has become like a daily activity to try and stay out for awhile in the afternoon for housekeeping to come.  Elora keeps the place pretty clean anyway.  She likes to take baby wipes and scrub underneath the desk.  It must be really dirty under there.  Poor thing, I don't know how she'll tolerate our house.  Oh well, the real housekeeping came later and we went out again.

We decided to try this hole-in-the-wall pizza joint that had on their menu a "typical American" pizza.  I was skeptical, but I was tired of the Pizza Hut.  Although pizza sauce stills seem to be in short supply around here, their pizza was amazing.  We really liked it.  I wish I had found it my first day here :)  Oh well, I'll probably go back one more time before we leave anyway.